


A Safe Place

by LadyMD



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Dreams, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Jon's safe place, Memories, Pining, Wistfully thinking of Jonsa babies, but hopeful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-08 00:38:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12852969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMD/pseuds/LadyMD
Summary: Jon just wants a few moments of peace as tensions rise everywhere he goes with the war against the Others looming close. Everyone was miserable and he was the designated mediator. As he finds his respite, he came upon a sight that took away all of his breath and pulled at his every emotions.Now he'll never get the image of Sansa lovingly holding a babe and singing to him so sweetly out of his head.Nor will he want to.





	A Safe Place

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know. Haha. I have so many feelings and I got inspired.

He’s been home for nearly a sennight and he felt more exhausted than he felt than when he was  _brought back._

It was a bit of everything and all at once--and since they crowned him  _King in the North,_ the weight on his shoulders had only gone heavier and heavier. 

No one was happy. 

Not in the slightest. 

There was tension everywhere just waiting to be released at the slightest provocation and he was in the middle of it. 

He knew what he did and knew why he did it. 

He also knew that he’d do it all over again if it meant he fulfilled his vow. 

He knows what everyone wants, just as he knows what  _he_ wants.

And right now all he wants is some peace and quiet. 

Just for a moment. A little reprieve. 

But where will he go? 

As he mulled his options while he walked, a sight made him pause and took away all his breath. 

There in the wildling camp was Sansa. 

Just the sight of her made his chest ache with feelings he shouldn’t name save for deep guilt and endless admiration. 

He left the North and  _more_ in her capable hands and not only has their former kingdom (he winced at that), flourished under her care, she kept the men loyal.

 _Loyal to her_ , there was no question.Where she goes, they will follow. And Sansa, for whatever reason she has, chose to follow  _him._  

Jon can never truly express how much her validations meant to him. There weren’t words that would say it perfectly. Only feelings. 

He knew the cost of her trust, the weight of its price. And to see her loyal to him despite having many reasons not to be only made him guiltier but in turn, even more determined.

One may have great faith in yourself but there was something about knowing someone had greater faith in you and he was all but willing to return it and more. It was the only thing that made him brave enough to still look her in the eye with every chance he could get no matter how fleeting.

She believed in him. 

And damn him if he would break that faith with and in her.

And now there she was.

The stress was evident and etched in the sharpness of her cheekbones, the slightness of her frame, and the shadows under her eyes, yet Sansa was  _smiling._

And not the smile she gives for courtesy’s sake. 

A genuine smile--bright and soft as she looked fondly at the small red-haired babe, smiling up at her from the cradle of her arms. 

This image would haunt Jon for as long as he lived.

Sansa tilted her head back laughing when the boy reached one tiny hand to pat her cheek, cooing all the while his other hand reached for her long red plaited hair. 

Jon stood there mesmerized and unmoving, as if one slight moment would end this illusion. 

He watched as Sansa, completely unguarded at the moment, bit her lip in hesitation, before finally leaning her face down to tickle the babe’s nose with her own, earning soft giggles in turn. 

He watched as suddenly, she had a look of surprise in her face and when she looked down, a girl with dark hair was pouting as she tugged at the hem of Sansa’s dark blue gown. 

Sansa smiled at the little girl before bending down to brush a few strands of the girl’s hair off her face. The girl tried to resist once Sansa started wiping at the dirt and snow on her face with her fingers. 

“You need a bath, sweetling.”  _Since when has her voice gotten that soft and tender?_ So different from the cool and steel-laced voice she commands with. 

The girl shook her head rapidly. “No bath.” 

Sansa pursed her lips but her eyes were twinkling with joy. “Hmm. Come here then, and I’ll try to wipe some of it off and we’ll see.” The girl grumbled but gave a nod.

Jon almost gasped when he saw Sansa, still carrying the babe on one arm, took the girl’s hand and lead her to sit on one of the stone boulders. Once the girl was seated, Sansa retrieved a handkerchief from her dress pocket, bent just enough, then she continued dabbing at the girl’s face.

All the while, the baby boy was playing with her braid, to which Sansa would glance and smile once in a while, brushing when too much snow collected on his face, yet not minding when her rich red hair was littered with it. 

The girl was frowning at that though and tried to push the babe’s hand from Sansa’s hair or pulls Sansa’s hand back to her. She did it too many times that the boy started crying. 

Sansa had no choice but to stand straight and shush him. “There, there, little one. Harma didn’t mean it, did you sweetling?”

She raised a brow but kept a small smile at Harma who looked up at her stubbornly while Sansa started bouncing the crying boy who was now cradled in her arms, one of her hands rubbing his back. 

“He mighta torn yer pretty hair,” Harma huffed. 

Sansa’s mouth quirked. “Is that so?” 

“Aye! He’s so loud!” Harma covered her ears with her hands. 

Sansa started rocking the boy then, shushing him gently until finally she did something Jon didn’t know he missed so much.

Sansa started  _singing._

Once more Jon was struck dumb. 

He knew Sansa had a lovely voice back then and suddenly memories of him pausing by the door or hiding in the shadows so he could listen to her sing and play the harp about heroic knights and blushing maidens. 

And that only brought him an even older memory. 

Of that one time he finally played a knight to her princess...and their accidental kiss. 

Everything was simple then, he thought as he remembered brushing away the blue petals that came loose from flower crown he gave her that sat on her auburn hair. And he thought at that moment was finally he was getting to know his other sister and he was finally earning her smiles. 

But their lord father had come at that time, sent Sansa to her mother while he was taken aside and told with the saddest look he ever saw from his father, that he was a bastard and that what he and Sansa were playing was improper. 

He shook away those thoughts as he saw Sansa smiling once she finally calmed the babe, who looked like he’d fallen asleep with his tiny head nestled on her shoulder, cradled with her dainty hand. 

And if he didn’t think that moment could be more tender, Sansa looked wistfully at the sleeping boy after she rearranged their position so that he was cradled against her chest. And after a hundred emotions he so rarely saw flitter in her eyes, she closed them as she leant down to drop a kiss on top of the babe’s head. 

Jon held back a choke and felt his chest constrict even tighter as he could guess what thoughts could’ve run through her heavily guarded clever mind of hers. 

Another tug at her dress had her bend down once more to bring the girl into a hug as she too received a kiss on the head and this image-- _this_ was what Jon knew he was fighting for. 

Looking at the two children looking content and  _safe_ in her arms pulled at every one of Jon’s emotions. He was torn. 

Incredibly torn.

He didn’t know what he wanted more--to be in her arms like the children where its  _safe..._

Or did he want to wrap his own arms around them and keep  _them_ safe? 

Was it the yearning for a mother he never had or knew? 

Or was this that buried desire...to be a husband and a father himself? 

All he was sure of was in that small circle of Sansa and the children, he wanted to  _belong._

He was about to risk a step closer when suddenly a wildling woman came smiling to collect the babe from her, and though Sansa smiled back, there was a sadness in her that hit Jon hard as he watched as Sansa carefully hand over the babe, her hand lingering a little as she touched his cheek. 

“Back to your mama, little one,” she said a little too cheerfully. 

She bent over and hugged the little girl next and Jon saw the girl’s arms tightening around Sansa’s neck as Sansa held her close before releasing her.

She waved as the girl took her mother’s hand and watched as Sansa looked at them longingly. 

A wave of sadness hit Jon as looked at her. So there was still that little girl who dreamed of being a lady wife and a loving mother... No. He shook his head.  _Despite all that she’s been through, I don’t think it ever left._

That little girl that he knew who loved songs and stories was always there, just hidden under the strongest lock and key and encased within many walls.

And there it was, the closing of the walls as he saw her smile start to fade, and her back start to straighten.

Fortunately two wildling boys came suddenly, chasing each other, one chose to hide behind Sansa’s skirts while the other tried to reach him. 

Sansa blinked before trying to keep the two boys from fighting. 

And just like that Jon was once more transported to the time he thought if he was strong enough, and smart enough, he’d grow up to inherit Winterfell and be the Lord like his father and his own version of a loving father to children that looked like Robb or Arya or the others. He’d be a husband with his lady wife--

“Jon?”

His eyes met with blue ones, looking at him, his eyes dropping to see the faint smile that was still on her face before the two boys started fighting again, breaking their gaze.

“A little help would be nice?” she asked while taking hold of the younger boy while she looked at him again in question.

His eyes widened and his heart knew. 

His feet faster than both as he walked over and took hold of the older boy. 

“Oi, stop it!” he said as he wrapped his arms around the boy tighter.

Sansa was laughing as the boys struggled in each of their arms. 

“If you two behave I’ll make new coats for you,” she smiled.

Both boys stilled and started describing what they wanted for their cloaks and Jon was struck with how beautiful Sansa was as she looked at the boys with warmth and amusement as she humored them, and he almost choked once more when she raised her eyes at him and blushed, her smile turning shy when she caught him staring.

There was no denying it at this point. 

He always knew.

He reached across then and placed a hand on her cheek, brushing away the snow that fell to reveal her warm blush on her face.

He loves her.

He is  _in_ love with her.

He wants a life with her. Just like this.

But he can’t. 

What he felt was wrong, but it was true.

One day. He promised.

One day. He  _swore._

For all that she’s been through, he would make sure she gets the happy life she dreamed.

Even if it’s not with him.

But first, Jon knew he’ll only ever will feel safe when she is. 


End file.
